Monsters
by the-rabbit-of-certain-doom
Summary: Near finds himself alone in the SPK head quarters, with only the presence of a certain note book and the voices in his head. He reevaluates what it is to be categorized as a god or monster and the little whispers help him cope with the fact that all of the people he had once labeled as a "friend" are now dead


**Note: I don't own death note or anything,so don't sue me or take down my story,(If I did own death note I would have made it so my babies wouldn't have died)**

Near was sitting in one of the many rooms of the SPK head quarters. His hair was more disarrayed than the norm and his white baggy pajamas were more rumpled than usual. This was probably due to the fact that the boy hadn't slept or left the room in about a week.

Subconsciously, he was seated like the greatest detective in the world, sitting so his hands were on his knees, his feet lay flat on the tiled ground, his back hunched, and head pointed down, looking over that black notebook. "It's almost funny how such a bland looking thing could cause all of _this_" Near thought. He looked up to the blank computer screens that lined one of the walls in the room "_this book caused all of this..." _the sentence repeated itself in his head. In Near's mind, the blank monitors on the wall erupted with images. Each screen had a different picture, but no portrait would sit still on the monitors, they danced, flipped and jumped around, some shook and had inverted colors, others were foggy and looked like they had been underwater. These images haunted him, and he knew they would be etched in his mind wasn't exactly the sort of person who mulled over things, and he wasn't the sort of person to think things over and over until his brain ached either, but this one case was an exception. All of the images that were flashing on the monitors pertained to the effects of that certain notebook. He saw various criminal profiles, blood, the dying faces of people that were in the SPK, he saw L's grave, the red eyes of a criminally insane man known by the name of Mikami,…The white haired boy shook his head, brought his hand to a lock of his hair and began to twirl it around. "Kira is dead, Light Yagami is dead" Near told himself "its pointless to think about the Kira case, so stop doing it"

He brought his eyes from the monitor and back to the item laying near his feet. It was just an ordinary notebook, you wouldn't think it was anything special if you saw it from behind, it was what was written on the front that would raise suspicion. The cover of the book had the words "Death Note" scrawled in white letters. The font of the words reminded Near of another word that had plagued his mind since closure of the case "Shinigami".

He had never really believed in a god, why should he? Near learned a long time ago that magic wasn't real, he never really liked those stupid fairy tales Rodger would read to him. "Pointless" he thought "Magic isn't real, so why would god be real?"

"That belief changed quite a bit hasn't it?" Near thought with a slight sigh.

"Shinigami, god of death, reaper, it doesn't matter what you call the beings, just pick a word that rolls nicely off of your tongue. It doesn't matter; the definition of the word is still the same."

"Human life is fragile, pathetic almost" Near thought blankly "With a few dashes of a pen, some higher being can end you."

"Is that what it means to be a god, to be able to end the lives of those weaker than you?"

"No, that sounds more like a monster than a god"

Near shifted his feet and brought his thumb to his mouth, much like the late raven haired detective.

"Why is it that monsters and gods are thought of as opposites?"

"They both are both cunning, smart, strong, but at the same time intimidating…"

"Or am I just confusing the two words?"

Near looked past the book and saw the city of dominoes he spent three days stacking up, The center of the city was occupied by an enormous castle that was taller than Near, even when he stood on his tiptoes. The castle was surrounded by many little houses that were about four inches high.

The boy brought his thumb out of his teeth and began to twirl his pallid hair again.

"What is it exactly that makes a god?"

"Magic? Power? Wisdom? Strength? Grace? Perfection?"

The white haired boy crinkled his nose at the thought "How dull…"

"And what is it that makes a monster?"

"Power, strength, wisdom, the ability to conjure fear and despair? A being that can spew lies without so much as a twitch in it's eye? The ability to strike fear into your very soul and reap you of your happiness?"

Near tugged on his hair and thought: "Funny, that the attributes to a monster could easily match those of a god. A god could so easily turn into a monster if it wished to do so, but a monster can't turn into a god no matter how hard he tries" that last thought reminded Near of the man who used to own that black book in front of him.

"He tried so hard, to make this world his definition of perfect, all of those lies and plots and demented dreams...all for nothing."

Near's mind flashed an image of the man's insane laugh a few minutes before he died _"I am Kira"_ he said. This thought reminded the boy of something Rodgerhad told him back at Whammys

"_Power corrupts the soul, weak people let power go to their head and forget that. Power isn't something that should be given to the weak people in this world." _ Near released the grip from his hair and brought his hand hovering above the notebook.

"This book gives the one who uses it so much power, the power to kill, yet alone it is just a book" Near pressed his index finger on the notebook, as if proving his point that it was indeed, just a book.

"Light Yagami had deceived himself, he was never anyone special, just someone that happened to pick the book up. He never truly had any power, what hehad was motivation and deluded dreams that he thought were pictures of truth rather than fictional stories. He blinded himself with the idea that only he would be able to carry out his idea of a perfect world, he didn't have the power...he had a pen"

Near picked up the book with two fingers and held it in front of his face as if he was inspecting it for some other hidden ability.

"When this book was taken away from him, he was just a mentally unstable human with some sad dreams, without a pen scrawling ink over its pages; this 'Death Note' is just a book"

"It's funny how there are two essential things to this certain sort of power, you need someone with a pen and some demented motives and a special notebook, and BOOM, suddenly you can kill by writing a person's name"

Near brought the book over his head and held it there.

"Humans are the things that are essential to every invention, every idea, everything known to man kind. Yet our bodies are so weak, our lives are fragile. You would think that such an important creature such as us couldn't be killed by simply writing their name in a special book..."

Near's mind flashed to an image of someone that he considered a friend. Orange hair, angry eyes and the trademark snap of a chocolate bar. Said boy didn't have mutual feelings of Near's 'friendship', he probably had the exact opposite feeling. The white haired boy had two categories for people in his head: friends and obstacles. He didn't consider people as enemies because that would mean you would need to have personal feelings for them, and hateful feelings were something that Near thought was pointless. Mello wasn't an obstacle because Near was always sure that the hot tempered boy was slightly inferior to him. That made Mello fall into the category of 'friend',

"Without someone with the intention of using it, the Death Note is powerless, practically dead weight."

"Just like a gun..." Near let a light smile touch his face as he thought of his friend's favored weapon.

"Why is it that human are so fond of weapons?" Near thought.

The familiar little voice in his mind whispered _"people like weapons because weapons make you stronger, they give you power, the power to kill, weapons make you __feel like a higher being than a normal person."_

"Humans are the ones who make the weapons...doesn't that make humans stronger than weapons?"

The voice in his head chuckled then faded away.

Near had been hearing little whispers like the voice he had just heard more and more since the Kira case, the voices were louder and showed up more frequently when the notebook was within eye sight. Near didn't mind the voices very much, sometimes, he even welcomed those whispers. They made him feel less alone, each voice was oddly familiar to his brain, the monotone drone of L, (that voice appeared when Near questioned himself), the teenage, awkward, deep voice of Mello (when Near wondered about things that normal people should know but for some reason he doesn't), the warm, welcoming voice of Rodger (when Near felt lonely), Matt's confident reassuring voice (when Near was confused), all of the voices of all the people Near labeled as his friend. He couldn't tell if the voices were actually there or if he was just crazy. He didn't feel crazy, crazy people are slow minded and dumb witted. If anything, Near felt smarter then he was before the Kira case, he had managed to outsmart the mass murderer who had killed the greatest detective in the world. Someone who was insane couldn't have achieved that, could they? The thought of the Kira case caused Near to grimace and scrunch up his features (something the boy rarely did).

The word "Kira" floated around his mind, the word caused him to think of the one whisper Near hated to hear. The calm but icy voice that belonged toLight Yagami. That voice appeared whenever Near doubted himself, it argued with him, it spoke with a condescending tone, as if it was better person than Near. The thought of Light's voice reminded him of the word "monster" and the traits he associated the word with, it also reminded Near of what makes a weapon and what the allure of said item was. The detective was lost in his thoughts for a few minutes before he realized a burning irritation in his eyes. Apparently, while thinking, he had been staring into the rows of lights on the ceiling with unblinking eyes. He shook his head and looked up at the book to remind him of reality. Near remembered his previous thought:

"_Humans are the ones who make the weapons...doesn't that make humans stronger than weapons?" _

"This weapon wasn't made by a human...does that mean I'm weaker than it?" The boy toughened his grip on the book and remembered another of his thoughts:

"_Without someone with the intention of using it, the Death Note is powerless, practically dead weight."_

"…_.the Death Note is powerless. Dead weight"_

As if to prove that thought, near moved his fingers so they gripped the top left corner of the book then shifted his arm so he was holding it like a Frisbee. Near brought his eyes to his target, and then sent it flying into the middle of the domino castle. The walls of the castle shattered apart and pieces fell to the ground and bounced to different areas of the room. The falling blocks of the castle caused the pieces of the houses of his miniature city to fall down and create piles of rubble that consisted of the black and white dominoes. Near watched dominoes descend in different directions in slow motion…the falling blocks reminded him of his brain and train of thoughts. The individual pieces of his brain fit perfectly together, but his mind is still fragile. Once something heavier is sent flying into it, the pieces or thoughts fall apart and scatter every which way. The falling pieces cause a chain reaction ,and the remaining stable thoughts are doomed to crumble down. Just like how the castle's pieces toppled the houses...some of the castle's blocks stick together and land in somewhat similar positions, but other pieces some how manage to land in the opposite side of the room and form incoherent ideas that have nothing to do with anything. _An object in motion __stays in motion, and an object at rest stays at rest._ "So why is it that I'm so interested on the falling dominoes? What did I think was going to happen?" Those domino blocks reminded him so much of his brain that it began to confuse the boy. "Dominoes have nothing to do with the way a human mind functions"

A little monotone whisper appeared _"you are just trying to make sense of your situation with physical objects, the castle is your brain, the pieces are your thoughts,_

_the book you sent flying is the outside force that causes your thought to scatter and become messy and confusing_"

Near shifted his sitting position and began to twirl his hair again before looking at the demolition he had dealt to the castle. Pieces were littering every inch of ground, some dominoes had piled up like little mountains. One mountain was bigger than the others, but he quickly figured out that the notebook was hiding under it.

The boy fell from his sitting position and landed on his knees, he used his elbows to drag himself to the mountain of dominoes.

"How childish, I resort to throwing things when I over think things?"

A cheery voice entered his mind: _"Hah, it doesn't matter! Just do what you have to, to let off some steam! It's completely fine that you're stressed!"_Near saw a corner of the notebook peeking out from the dominoes, he reached out to grab it but hesitated slightly as his hand was a few centimeters small act of wariness caused Near to mentally argue with himself, a long stream of frustrated comments started to flow through his mind.

"Why am I hesitating? It's just a book! If it had any power it would have somehow managed to persuade me from throwing it! This is ridiculous!"

"Why did I throw it in the first place?"

"I made a mess! I resorted to being childish and now I'm afraid of touching a book!?"

An icy unwanted voice found its way into Near's mind. _"Just a book? If it was just a book how did it kill so many people? Why did it fall out of the sky? This is not just __a book, this is a Shinigami's preferred method of killing…nothing that important could be JUST a book" _Near crinkled his nose and furrowed his eyebrows at that icy smooth tone, he hated the fact that he was being yelled at in his own mind. The albino boy quickly got over the whisper and almost viciously slammed his fist down on dominoes covering the book. Proving to himself he wasn't afraid of the book. Due to the impact of Near's fist, some of the blocks fell down the little mountain and clattered into floor, revealing more of the covered book. He finally dragged himself up from his crawling position, shifted to his feet so he was sitting in his preferred way, and looked down at the mountain. He pushed the remaining dominoes off the surface of the book and pushed all of the fallen blocks around it; making a crater. The Death Note was lying open, face down on the dominoes it had landed on; some of its pages were sticking out. Near guessed the impact of its landing caused some pages to fold slightly. He wondered if it was against some sort of death god law to mess up a Death Note

"Well, I guess it wouldn't matter now anyways would it?"

He picked up the left corner of the front cover with two fingers and flipped it over so the pages were facing the ceiling; the book was about three quarters open to the last page of the book. Using the side of his thumb to press down some wrinkles on the page, Near carefully revealed the open page to his eyes.

"Blank"

Near then unfolded a corner of the page that was folded in a triangle at the bottom; there he saw some indents in the paper, as if someone had written something but erased it. The boy bent the book in a way that the covers were touching each other and the page Near was inspecting was sticking out. He held the book up and above his head so the light could shine through the paper. There were about three sentences worth of illegible markings and visible indents where someone had erased, the last five or so words were readable if the boy squinted his eyes a bit.

"…. Be g-god of the new world"

Near stared at the paper for a bit longer, it was a bit strange to see a dead man's words...especially words he tried to erase. This felt like one of those times you say something, but then regret it a second later and just start pointlessly mumbling to cover up for your embarrassing failure of speaking. These words made Near feel something he couldn't exactly put his finger on...

"Pity perhaps? No that's not it…this feeling laced with an ominous undertone. Like hearing a dead man's voice"

The boy dropped the book unceremoniously to the floor to the right of his body and away from the dominoes. He then brought his pointer and thumb back to his hair.

"It's almost laughable, he did all of that _lying_ just to die in the ending."

"His dream of a 'perfect' world never succeeded."

"So there was no point in doing it the first place, Light" this thought was said aloud to the dead man Near was imagining. The sound of his own voice sounded funny to the pajama-clad boy...it sounded to weak and unsure.

"Maybe I should sleep." he thought exasperatedly "Not only am I talking to no one that can hear me...I'm also talking to dead people"

Near fell down from his knees and then flopped to his back, not caring that dominoes were jabbing him uncomfortably.

"I used to think that monsters were just as fictional as magic"

"I'll add that to the list of things I thought to be true but aren't anymore"

"Humans have many different forms; they could easily turn down the path of a monster, but the form of a god but will always be impossible for mankind"

"If a human was to even attempt to become a god he will eventually become a monster in the process" An image of Light's demented face as he let out his final laugh flashed up in Near's mind.

"Gods and monsters have so many similar traits but…" Near heard a flash back of his own voice almost like a recording.

"_The attributes to a monster could easily match those of a god, a god could so easily turn into a monster if it wished to do so, but a monster can't turn into a god no_

_matter how hard he tries."_

"A human can be a monster, a god can be a monster, but a monster can't be a god"

Near looked up at the blinding light above him and shifted a little because a domino was piercing his lower back.

"It's easy to become a monster, but impossible to become a god, you have to be born a god"

He closed his eyes and let out a breath of air from his dry lips before saying aloud to an invisible person he imagined in front of him.

"What's the closest a human can get to being a god without being a monster?"

A loud but confident voice whispered and near was reminded of video games and stripes "_He's gotta be completely badass! But cool and confident at the same __time! He wouldn't let his badassery get to his head!"_

Another voice answered the last, this voice reminded near of chocolate and spiked boots.

"_He's gotta be unique! Have something different about him! Something that sets him apart from normal, something that is respected but also confuses other people. __Gives him more of an edge"_

A third voice answered, it took a few seconds for Near to register whose tone it was, this whisper had the same smooth tone of Light Yagami but the iciness was gone. Near heard more of a breathy regretful tone, almost as if Light was saying something with a smile on the tip of his lips, a sound that the Near didn't know Light was capable of emitting. His voice spoke quickly as if it had little time to let all of it's words out, or as if he was trying to say things as quick as possible so he wouldn't be able to stop mid-sentence and drift away. The tone of this whisper was at first quiet, almost hesitant as if it was embarrassed to speak... but by the end of its speech the whisper was almost yelling.

"_He would be smart, he would be able to see through the plans of those who wrong others, he would do good things that effect others without even realizing what he __did was doing, at the same time he would remain emotionless so that his human feelings would counter his brain, he would sacrifice something as human as emotion __for a greater cause. He would know the right way to handle a situation at a moments notice, his plans would have close to no flaws, he knows how to handle lesser __people, he knows how to make people feel important, he would never lie unless it would benefit someone other than himself…"_

The last voice that near heard wasthe old fashioned tone of the man who took care of him at Whammys _"lastly he would be able to find happiness in the darkest of situations no matter how __ridiculous the source of the happiness may be, no matter how dark things would become this man would not lose himself to despair, darkness would motivate him __further and even cause him to work harder for his goal.."_

Near heard Mello's voice agree with the last statement and then say "_Oh I forgot! This man would be able to admit defeat! He wouldn't resort to childish screaming __or he wouldn't try to talk his way out of a punishment, he would take it with graceful silence even if his punishment meant his death."_

Near smiled at these thoughts because each one caused him to picture different features of the detective the boy idolized and looked up to, the man with the hidden name who used the alias of L. The images of him made Near feel safe because he liked to believe that somewhere, some how, L is keeping watch over him, watching him progress throughout life. That thought inspired Near to try a little harder to be perfect, so he could be just as influential to others, a mirror of the man he succeeded. Near used to think that thought was ridiculous and impossible but recent events have changed his mind.

"Gods and magic are real, so why wouldn't ghosts of dead men be real?"

Near suddenly felt his eyelids become heavy, he tried to lift them but he found that they were glued shut by an imaginary force, he yawned and rolled to his side, stretching his arms out in front of him. His hand brushed against the notebook he had dropped, at first he cringed away and involuntarily jerked his arm closer to his body before he remembered something he had thought earlier:

"_Without someone with the intention of using it, the Death Note is powerless, practically dead weight."_

Near hesitantly brought his arm back to its previous position and slowly crept his pale hand to the book, resting his palm against it.

Before his mind shut down he heard one last whisper, this whisper reminded Near of his idol, his motivation. Though instead of just voice, Near saw the a full

visual of the deceased detective, he saw the wrinkled jeans, the messy black hair, the crumpled white shirt, the lanky figure and awkward stance… hooded

eyes and a tired smile was resting on L's features.

"_Good night, Near. Remember that even if your friends may not physically be with you, they will always be right here in your head"_

Near smiled lightly and grabbed onto the note book, hugging it to his chest. Before falling into the blank nothingness,the boy was almost sure he could smell cigarette smoke and chocolate..

**Thanks to my fabulous friend for helping me with grammar and spelling and other stuffs..she is fabulous and majestic so why don't you check out her deviant art?**

**She is an amazing artist! **

***whispers seductively* follow me on tumblr for my annoying use of kawaii emoticons and my obsessiveness over my fandoms… **


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